I hope to leave behind more good memories than bad, for my kids and their kids. Raising kids is a tricky task.
Even with the best of intentions, it’s easy to accidentally cause less than perfect results.
I had a great childhood, an amazing childhood in fact. We weren’t rich with objects but very rich with love and guidance.
However, I was thinking about this the other day, and it’s so easy to see things clearly when they’re behind you. Or maybe it’s age that inspires these perceptions of a person’s past.
I was raised in a house of absolutes, is that the right word? Where things are either black or white. Two things can’t exist together. They’re this or they’re that.
For example, if someone who has kids, drinks excessively or has some type of addiction or was unfaithful to their spouse, then that person was not a good parent. That’s it. You can’t be one and the other, “oh yeah she must really love her kids, carrying on like that”.
My parents set the bar very high. They were possibly, or probably, too judgmental, but they themselves did everything right. They just expected others to do the same.
So it’s been a learning curve to me, to get that line of thinking out of my head. Perfect’s not always perfect. You can be really great at one part of something but crappy at the other parts. And that’s okay, that doesn’t always negate the good part.
My daughter Bella-Lena and I were talking about her childhood, about her dad and I separating and his drinking. I still feel loads of guilt for leaving. (We had to share custody 50/50 which ended up being a huge mistake.)
If I’d known how their lives would implode because of their dad’s alcoholism after I left, I might’ve stayed.
Anyway, she said Mom you don’t need to feel guilty. You left BECAUSE of his drinking, parts of our childhood were awful BECAUSE of his drinking…we LOVE him, but he was the problem, his drinking was the problem.
I thought it was interesting and I really took note at how she said they did love him, despite all the flaws he possessed.
You don’t actually have to be perfect to be loved. You can have flaws and screw up and still be loved.
These two things can exist.
bloom.planted.north 
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