This list would be very small for me and here’s why; I don’t trust many people’s opinions on things. There definitely has been a time or two in my life where I sought out help from people who I felt were experienced in what I was going through. But it’s not been often. First of all, I guess I’m a private person when it comes to private problems. Maybe pride gets in the way. I think mostly, it’s that I want to figure things out for myself.
I feel like the only way someone can help you through something is if they’ve experienced it themselves. But because of the variations in people’s opinions, morals and judgment, I find myself rarely seeking out their advice. If I felt like their values aligned completely with my values, AND they had experienced what I am experiencing, then I might ask their advice.
Take my marriage ending for example, when I was thinking of leaving my husband, I asked a coworker who recently separated from her spouse, how sharing custody was going for her. This was probably my biggest fear in the time leading up to my separation, how to live without my kids being under the same roof as me every minute of every day. So when I asked this lady how she found sharing custody 50/50, she replied enthusiastically that she loved it, that when the kids were with her she spent quality time with them and when they were at their dad’s she had “me time”. She had nothing but positive things to say about it.
This fooled me into thinking it couldn’t be that bad. If this devoted mother with kids the same age as mine voiced to me that there was not one negative thing about sharing custody, then it must not be that bad. Right? Wrong.
My experience was the complete opposite and I still look back at that moment when I asked her about it and I think wow, we must be completely different people. My days with the kids once my husband and I separated were lovely yes, but the days they were at his house, I was a mess. I layed around doing absolutely nothing, depressed. I didn’t know how to exist on this earth without waking them up for school in the morning and making them supper and making sure they had done their homework and had showered and brushed their teeth. I felt like it was a living hell. I didn’t want to be a “part time” mom. I didn’t have kids to only be present in their lives and help them navigate through their little problems fifty percent of the time. I didn’t want “me time”. I only wanted them.
It was a huge adjustment. And it didn’t go well. I didn’t make my decision to leave my marriage based on what this lady had told me about how easy sharing custody was, but I was deceived (not on purpose) into thinking it would be much easier than it was. And that’s the issue with asking people for advice. Their personalities and experiences are completely different than your own so how could they tell you how it will be for you.
And that’s a pretty serious example I suppose but for me it’s the same with smaller, less important things. Take reviews for example, if I’m booking an airBnB or hotel, you can bet I’m NOT reading the reviews first. Why? Because people are crazy. And if they’re not crazy then at minimum, they have very different expectations and standards than I do.
My older sister is has the classic type A personality. I do not, I’m the opposite. I always think of her when I see bad reviews on places. She expects way too much, as far as I’m concerned. I mean, I don’t like dirty, cheap hotel rooms with cockroaches hanging out in them, but I would stay in a nice four star place if it’s in a less desirable neighbourhood. She would not. It would have to be a super clean place in a super clean area. Some people can just be so picky. And on the other end of the spectrum, people can leave great reviews on dumps. So you just can’t trust them.
If I’m going to go by a review then I’d need to know more about the person who wrote that review. How do they live their life? Do they wash their hands after they use the bathroom? Do they brush their teeth everyday? Do they eat pizza that’s been laying under their bed for forty eight hours? Have they completely removed MSG from their diets?
These can all be good or bad things but without knowing someone really and truly, how can you take their advice?
bloom.planted.north 
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