Daily writing prompt

Are you a leader or a follower?

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I noticed many bloggers said they could be both, depending on the situation and I feel that’s true for most people. And no different for me either. However if I had to pick the one that’s more truly me, it’s probably follower. I hate to admit that. Somehow follower seems to equate to weak, at least in my brain.

I chalk it up to being a middle child. I felt I always had to keep the peace, so to speak. And I had the ability, being in the middle, of seeing both sides of the story and still do in many cases. You know, yes I get that and that seems reasonable but yet what this person is saying is also not unreasonable. I think wanting to keep people happy lends itself to being more of a follower than a leader. I think.

That’s not to say I’ve been pushed around or I don’t speak my mind or have my own original ideas. Because that’s definitely not the case. Probably of my siblings, I am the most assertive and the least shy. As a mom, I have to be the leader, that goes without saying. In that role, I am a confident leader and usually look to nobody else for advice. I feel like I am the best one for the job.

However, in a group, especially of strangers, I am quiet. I sit back and wait until everyone else has spoken, has let us know their thoughts or opinions and then I present mine accordingly. If I feel safe to be me, the real me comes out, and that person is outgoing, chatty and confident. But if I feel unsure of the dynamics in a group, I will be the more subdued version of myself and just a follower. The shifting I learned growing up, a younger sister yet a big sister.

And I have learned over the years from being in workplace settings or in a workshop or conference, that my ideas are sometimes unpopular. Not that I’m trying to paint myself as a wild free spirit but there were certainly times when I spoke up to offer suggestions and they were not accepted. I’m a little bit colour outside the lines. I’m a little bit well why can’t we do that?

I guess in society it’s the popular opinions that win people over, not the odd ones. I recently confided in a friend that I was going to get my first tattoo. My mid life crisis I guess. At 47 I have no actual tattoos except a jailhouse style tattoo on my finger (I wasn’t in jail, it’s just what it’s called I think), so I decided on the word “renegade” under my collarbone in typewriter font. This friend asked me why that word and I said I really liked the word and I liked how it looked in typewriter font. I don’t describe myself as a renegade, that’s not why I chose that word. Although I do really like the definition of it. She said it if I were getting a tattoo with a word describing myself it should say “defiant”.

To me, a huge compliment. So I might be a follower but I’m not going to drink the poison or go down easy. I might let you think I’m following you but once I see a red flag or a storm coming, I’m out. Cut and run is my specialty. Maybe I am a renegade.