Epic fail in the kitchen? C’mon now, who do you think you’re talking to? Farm girls don’t epically fail in the kitchen. It’s just not allowed.

Okay well this one time…

Embarrassingly not that long ago, because I’m always up for making a bit of money on the side, I decided that I was going to bake and sell pies ahead of Easter weekend. All my life I had tried to make most things from scratch. Everything from pasta sauce to perogies to pie crust.

Buying food pre-made, is just something you do not do if you grow up on a farm. And if you do, you lie about it. Buying food that’s already prepared is considered yuck.

I had made pies from scratch plenty of times and sure the crust wasn’t picture perfect, but it served it’s purpose and tasted just fine. So I was thinking, how hard can this be to whip up and sell some pies, put some cash in my pocket. There’s a strong ‘underground bakery’ presence on FB in my city. Various Joe Blows are always selling home cooked food items, secretly advertised on FB.

So I received an order for pies, a lady I knew pretty well thankfully. Now when I look back I think, wow, she actually really trusted me to make all these pies for her for her Easter dinner, that’s insane lol.

Even though I had my Mom’s pie crust recipe, I decided to check out different versions online, mainly on Pinterest. I picked one and bought all the ingredients. This is when the epic fail comes in. Again and again. Over and over.

Pie crust under pressure is not a pretty place to be. I lost track of how many packages of Crisco and lard and butter I bought that weekend. They simply were not coming together, too wet, too crumbly and dry, too much shrinkage. Ughhh. I had to call it quits. What was I thinking? I’m not a pie lady. It’s tough. And when the going gets tough, I throw in the towel. It’s just how I am.

So I messaged this poor lady who thought I was going to provide her with beautiful pies, and tell her this farm girl fell flat on her face. She was fine about it. I don’t know what I was thinking.

Someday I’ll attempt a pie crust again but for now I buy the frozen pre-made crusts. This has to be our little secret though.