Well pretty much all of high school I felt out of place.
Our class had to leave the safety and security of our small little school where we had gone from Kindergarten to grade nine to be in this seemingly huge, big, bad high school in a different town.
I hadn’t minded school that much from grade one to grade nine. I had straight A’s and in our graduating grade nine class I was named the valedictorian.
But all that changed once I got to high school.
I became a nobody and I couldn’t seem to blend in, or maybe I blended in so much I was like camouflage. Our tight little grade nine class was all dispersed throughout the high school and I seemed to not be able to reconnect with anyone. They were making new friends, into activities or sports and I felt like I was at the sidelines tied to a chair, watching it happen.
I had my best friend but she was more popular than I and always had a steady boyfriend. I was their third wheel. And when that got tiring I hung out with my older sister.
Anyway I don’t want to turn this into, “feel sorry for me because I was a loser in high school”. I really could care less now, it’s so many miles in the rearview mirror.
There have been times as an adult too, where I’ve felt out of place but I think as long as you’re breathing and your heart is beating, you’ve felt it too.
When you don’t have things in common with who you’re around, it feels awkward. Or when a group is saying things you don’t agree with but you’re too scared to speak up against them all, it’s awkward.
I used to go to a moms ‘n tots groups when my two older kids were small and I remember feeling super out of place there. And I probably still would. I was always the opposite of a helicopter mom (still am) and not into fads or trends and I just don’t know what to say or who to be around these other moms. It felt so cliquey, just like in high school.
I know this isn’t probably how I came across to them and my girls if they read this, would say I’m being a ‘pick me’, but I always felt like these polished and seemingly in control moms thought I should just take my feral children home and go stir my witch’s brew on the stove. That’s how I felt they saw me.
bloom.planted.north 
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