I have so many regrets from my teenage years. Some things I didn’t do enough of and others, too much.
I was of the mindset that people had to “take me as I am” and that, in terms of how I looked especially, there was no room for improvement. Why I bring that up is because honestly, what I wanted more than anything as a teenage girl, was a boyfriend.
I had one boyfriend for six months in grade 11 and after I dumped him, I never had another. Now lets be real. Looks matter. Especially in high school. I mean sure, there are going to be those few people who will want you for who you are but the rest want the girls in the cute clothes, not the grunge clothes. The girl with curves, not the skinny no curves girl.
I refused to conform to “pretty girl” rules and tried to carve my own path, all the while secretly dying to be noticed.
Some could argue that what I missed out on just wasn’t meant to be and that people truly do need to like you for what’s inside. But part of me always wonders what would have been if I had put some makeup on, dressed more feminine and did something with my hair.
I know it sounds completely superficial but I am pretty sure I would have been less lonely. These are teenagers we’re talking about here. Their brains are not fully formed.
And it’s not just male attention that I missed out on, it was feeling like I was a part of a group, like I fit in. Socializing with other kids on weekends instead of hanging out with my parents or sisters or Gramma.
Now that I’ve said all that I’m thinking to myself, would I actually want to dress in a way that wasn’t true to me, just to be more popular? I don’t know. I’ll never know.
bloom.planted.north 
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