prompts for april 2026

If life handed you a blank page today, what one sentence would you write first? (Thanks Rojie for the prompt)

If life handed me a blank page today, the first thing I’d want to know is where are we going and what are we doing?

I don’t like surprises. I need to know what’s going on.

I’ve actually read that being this way is sort of/can be traits related to anxiety and even OCD. Not that I’m diagnosing myself with either. I think many of us have little teeny tiny bits and pieces of any particular disorder inside of us and that’s what contributes to our personalities.

Anyway, back to the no surprises thing, even from childhood I had to read the end of the book when I started a new book just so I could be reassured of how it ended. I didn’t see it as spoiling the outcome, I just needed to know how it ended at the start.

Of course I don’t know how my life will end but my mind is constantly trying to stay hypervigilant about how my body is feeling and I’m forever guessing what could be wrong if I do have any aches or pains. It’s like I need to stay one step ahead.

For this reason I try to stay off of Google when it comes to self diagnosing.

That’s not to say that I haven’t though.

When I was nearing thirty years old, I was having lower abdominal pain either on one side or sometimes both. A weird aching feeling so I made an appointment at the doctor’s office. But by the time I got there I had diagnosed myself anyway and my diagnosis was bang on. Mittelschmerz or mid-cycle pain. I ovulate so hard that it hurts, basically.

But, the thing I’m getting to is that I couldn’t just wait and see what the doctor might tell me, I had to research it for myself and figure it out asap. When the doctor did tell me the reason for the pain, I was like yep, I know. Probably annoyed the heck out of him.

Another example of needing to be somewhat in control, or at least feeling like it, was when my best friend and I rented a bicycle built for two in junior high. I think we had thirty minutes with the bike. So I jumped on the front seat initially, I was essentially the “driver” of the bike. I could steer where we were going. It was hilarious and we had so much fun.

But then it was my bff’s turn to drive and me to ride on the backseat with handlebars that were fixed and just for hanging on, no steering.

Well I thought I was going to go crazy. My anxiety was up to the blue summer sky in those minutes. I couldn’t handle the fact that she was completely in control of where we went and if we crashed or not, and there was absolutely nothing I could do but sit back there and pedal. My life in her hands. I’ll never forget that feeling.

Having said all that, surprisingly, I’m actually not really a control freak. I’m actually pretty laid back. But I do like to try to know what happens next, if I can. When I can.