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Do you tend to forgive and forget, or just forgive but not forget… or neither?
That’s a toughy.
I’d like to say that I’m someone who forgives and forgets but I feel like I’m more of a forgive and don’t forget but then if you’re not forgetting and are actually hanging onto it, are you really forgiving?
Good question.
Yep i know what you mean Joe. I’d love to say that I forgive and forget (and with little things it’s easy) but just the other day I was thinking about the person who was, at one time, my best best friend in the whole world who I lost to my divorce and under my breath I said “bitch” 😳
Kind of surprised myself that I’d speak that way about her. So yeah, clearly all is not forgiven.
I think forgiveness is beyond our powers at first, but if we say we forgive and really want to, our psyches will work on that to accomplish it eventually. If we forgive and think that means forget, we may miss opportunities that come up to reconsider angles or revisit in healthy ways too, so it’s always a process of discernment between what’s healthy revisiting or not.
Yes, thank you for this Stephanie, never viewed it like that.
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To be fair to yourself, how can a person really forget what’s happened, whether it’s been forgiven or not? We’re not meant to forget betrayals and dangers. That said, I forgive, but anger and resentment don’t go away when I remember hurtful words that were spoken. Once trust is eroded, it’s never again what it was. As Joe (below) says, it’s a struggle to really let go of old scars. We think we have, but they rear their ugly heads again. And like you said below that, CJ, I too will catch myself sending a whispered expletive toward a person who has hurt me. So as all commenters below have suggested, it’s easier said than done. I wish I knew how to REALLY let go of bullshit from the past. There’s THINKING I want to and have done so, and then there’s reality.
Yes if only it were so easy, true freedom really is completely forgiving and so when you remember it, it no longer stings. But how does one get there?
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I’ve been trying to get there for years; maybe all my life. I think it’s OK to say/find someone’s a bitch if that’s how they behaved. Why expect yourself to forget it? It’s what I’d call righteous (as opposed to self-righteous) anger. Of course no one is always or 100% a bitch, and we do well to remember that. And people learn, and they do change when they actually learn how to be better.
i’ve had times when i’ve wronged someone inadvertently and I was so humbled when they would forgive me.
from that context, I’ve determined that if i can think of a way where the wrong was inadvertent or an obvious mistake, i can extend a careful measure of forgiveness. but it’s a narrow definition, by choice, and everything else that doesn’t fall into it won’t merit forgiveness from me at all. Mike
i remember i took a person’s parking space during the christmas season (yes, this was back when we would all go out to the mall). i only saw them as I was pulling in and IMMEDIATELY stopped, got out of the truck and told them to stay because i was backing out. they were very forgiving once they saw how sorry i was 😬
lol 😀
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Do I forgive and forget?
This is going to sound really weird but as I’ve said previously I have the ability not to live in the past. It’s gone so I don’t think about either of those sentiments.
What I do believe in is karma.
When I split with my childrens’ Dad after 8 years of a very difficult marriage, I knew that he would eventually receive his comeuppance. I even knew then what it would be and I was proved right. Both of my children eventually told him they didn’t want him in their life. Karma!
Thank you!
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I can just remember what they did, but i forgive and understand them. We are all imperfect!
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