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Out of place

CJ Antichow
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What is an emotion that you are not comfortable with?

I really dislike myself when feelings of jealousy creep in. Jealously is so…not nice. If there was one emotion I could scrap forever it would be jealousy.

This has nothing to do with jealousy but when I was a kid there was a certain time/day/moment when I felt really uncomfortable and I’m not sure I’ll ever know why.

It was on Sunday mornings when we got home from church. Maybe the feeling could best be described as anxiety? Although, again, I have no idea why.

When we’d get home from church, I recall toast crumbs on the counter. Feeling cold. Being hungry (was never a breakfast person as a kid). And absolutely hating the feeling of cheap, never-stay-in-place pantyhose which I changed out of immediately.

Every Sunday if we went to church, I’d get that feeling when we got home. It felt like, what do I do now? Like what happens next? Out of place.

Work selfie

16 responses to “Out of place”

  1. robgradens Avatar
    robgradens

    Looking very pretty. Happy Saturday, CJ.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      Thank you so much Rob!! Happy Saturday ☺️

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  2. Joe Avatar
    Joe

    I feel lucky that I don’t feel much jealousy, especially around some of the things that typically make people jealous. But when I *do* feel jealous, ugh. I’m with you: if I could do without one emotion, it would be jealousy.

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    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      It just feels ugly!

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  3. Michael Williams Avatar
    Michael Williams

    it sucks to have that feeling. i know. i don’t even know how i’m able to work through it.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      If I can actually be aware of it at the time I can chase it away like a buzzing mosquito but sometimes I’m so caught up in it, that’s impossible 🤷🏻‍♀️

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  4. Fairweather Walker Avatar
    Fairweather Walker

    Maybe your church had a fire-and-brimstone preacher. That would cause any kid anxiety!

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    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      Lol no it was pretty chill really. The Lutherans are not really known for anything extreme I don’t think.

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      1. Fairweather Walker Avatar
        Fairweather Walker

        I attended Sunday school at a Lutheran church and cried myself to sleep at least once as a child, imagining myself burning in hell for some perceived sin. My mother told me that as a child I was quite enamoured by the Lutheran minister — who was a fire&brimstone preacher.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. CJ Antichow Avatar
        CJ Antichow

        Oh really? I never had that same experience ever!

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  5. utahan15 Avatar
    utahan15

    cant be helped

    you see

    you think ooof judgement

    eh?

    pfft

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
  6. Katelyn Avatar
    Katelyn

    Going to church as a kid felt like mental bootcamp. I couldn’t sniffle or try and move any muscle for the like two hours we spent in the pews. It was all about image, how we looked compared to other families. The most I got was a piece of gum to keep me occupied, but even then I was too afraid to chew it and make any noise 🤣. And the message was never interesting to me either, it was always about some trauma or what we were doing wrong in our lives. It gave me a lot of anxiety as well.

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    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      It’s definitely a huge lesson in “sitting still” lol, well and the being quiet part! So difficult when you’re little yes!

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  7. Terri Lynn Avatar
    Terri Lynn

    I can so relate, to the jealousy thing. As I contemplate life going forward, and not transitioning, I wonder if I’m actually jealous of those individuals that are born female. If so, not sure why really. 🤷🤷

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    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      I think it is good to examine WHY we feel jealousy. Like what is it we feel we’re missing or missing out on.

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  8. utahan15 Avatar
    utahan15

    fact six nominations no wins

    but there is doubt as to when gil was born

    he is or was the drummer of this lesser known canuk trio

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