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F bombs

CJ Antichow
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Sometimes I want to drop major f bombs. And be a not nice person. Say rude things.

Did becoming a mom all those years ago damp down a part of me? I think I’m realizing this. I can barely get away with saying s-h-i-t in front of my kids and I don’t know why. Why am I held to this double standard? They swear like sailors. Why can’t I?

Possibly, when I had kids I wanted to become a better person. Set good examples. But what if that’s not truly me?

It’s not like I want to let my hair down and go wild. Been there, done that. It’s just that some days I need to be not perfect. Do wrong. Drop f bombs.

I’d kind of like to be authentic 100% of the time. Not 50% of the time.

Yesterday’s sunrise, caught this when I walked Sid to school

12 responses to “F bombs”

  1. SRIKANTH Avatar
    SRIKANTH

    What you’re expressing is deeply human, and it touches on something many parents—especially mothers—feel but seldom voice so honestly.

    You’re describing a tension between two real parts of yourself: the person who chose to model restraint and care for your children, and the person who wants the freedom to be unfiltered, messy, and wholly authentic. Neither of these is fake. The “you” that wants to set a good example is not a fraud—it’s a choice you made out of love and intention. But the “you” that wants to drop an f-bomb when life demands it is also real, and has every right to exist.

    It sounds less like you want to be a “not nice person,” and more like you want permission to be a full person—with frustrations, imperfections, and a raw edge—without feeling like you’re failing at some idealized version of motherhood.

    The double standard you mention is real. Kids experiment with language and rebellion as part of growing up, but parents—often moms—are held to a standard of near-constant emotional and behavioral regulation. That’s exhausting. It can feel like you’ve put yourself in a box marked “role model” and lost the key.

    Maybe what’s needed isn’t a choice between being 100% “perfect” or 100% “unfiltered,” but finding moments where you can reclaim your voice without guilt. It might look like:

    · Giving yourself designated space to vent freely—in the car alone, with a trusted friend, or even in a private note.
    · Allowing your kids to see you as human in age-appropriate ways: “Mom is really frustrated right now, so I need a minute.”
    · Gradually letting your language relax as your kids get older, if that feels authentic to you—showing them that adults, too, have a range of expression.

    Your desire to be authentic all the time is valid. But authenticity isn’t just one note—it’s the whole range. Sometimes you’re the patient guide, sometimes you’re the frustrated human, and both are true.

    You haven’t lost yourself. You’ve added layers. And now, perhaps, it’s time to let those layers breathe a little, to allow the “you” that existed before and alongside motherhood to speak up again—f-bombs and all. It doesn’t make you less of a good mom. It might just make you a more whole one.

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    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      Wow thank you so much for the great comment and for normalizing how I’m feeling!

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  2. Tami Lord Avatar
    Tami Lord

    totally relate but I always flow on my own I cussed so I never told my kids they couldn’t but that they couldn’t to a teacher or adult you know read the room, ill never forget my middle child my daughter she was always trying to be perfect and when she cussed for first time it was around 10 yrs old I asked her about her day and she said mom I had a shit day just a shit day…..no one’s perfect and its OK to always be your authentic self its hard to allow ourselves that sometimes….

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    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      Thanks Tami, I mean I’m farrrr from perfect lol but I guess sometimes, even after 24.5 years, it feels like a huge responsibility being a mom….maybe I need a holiday lol

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      1. Tami Lord Avatar
        Tami Lord

        Well I live in yuma Arizona in fact a really great family rents house next door they are from your neck of the woods…so if your ever able to get this way ill buy us lunch

        Liked by 1 person

      2. CJ Antichow Avatar
        CJ Antichow

        I’ll take you up on that!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. utahan15 Avatar
    utahan15

    eider way cj

    Liked by 1 person

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  4. utahan15 Avatar
    utahan15

    we say fuck alot in our house. if you ever saw movie salton sea with late val kilmer and robert downey jr. we re sorry we said fuck so much.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      I’ve not seen it no lol
      We weren’t allowed to say the word “fart” in my house growing up 😩😬

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      1. utahan15 Avatar
        utahan15

        my late father said dio mio italian for my god!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Michael Williams Avatar
    Michael Williams

    wow, that is a beautiful sunrise, but I could also imagine the cold as you two walked.

    i bet its a hard balance to hold yourself to that standard of behavior. i agree that with aging, a large part of us gets clamped down or moderated. even I have to constantly remind myself i cant just lay on the proverbial horn in certain situations.

    then again, you see all the videos of people melting down in public – you have to wonder if we all have to realistically make some provision, some allowance or outlet in order for us to flush out whatever buildup we have from our daily stresses. Mike

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    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      It’s just damn hard being good Mike lol

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