bloom.planted.north

contact: antichowcarla@gmail.com

F bombs

CJ Antichow
, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sometimes I want to drop major f bombs. And be a not nice person. Say rude things.

Did becoming a mom all those years ago damp down a part of me? I think I’m realizing this. I can barely get away with saying s-h-i-t in front of my kids and I don’t know why. Why am I held to this double standard? They swear like sailors. Why can’t I?

Possibly, when I had kids I wanted to become a better person. Set good examples. But what if that’s not truly me?

It’s not like I want to let my hair down and go wild. Been there, done that. It’s just that some days I need to be not perfect. Do wrong. Drop f bombs.

I’d kind of like to be authentic 100% of the time. Not 50% of the time.

Yesterday’s sunrise, caught this when I walked Sid to school

37 responses to “F bombs”

  1. SRIKANTH Avatar
    SRIKANTH

    What you’re expressing is deeply human, and it touches on something many parents—especially mothers—feel but seldom voice so honestly.

    You’re describing a tension between two real parts of yourself: the person who chose to model restraint and care for your children, and the person who wants the freedom to be unfiltered, messy, and wholly authentic. Neither of these is fake. The “you” that wants to set a good example is not a fraud—it’s a choice you made out of love and intention. But the “you” that wants to drop an f-bomb when life demands it is also real, and has every right to exist.

    It sounds less like you want to be a “not nice person,” and more like you want permission to be a full person—with frustrations, imperfections, and a raw edge—without feeling like you’re failing at some idealized version of motherhood.

    The double standard you mention is real. Kids experiment with language and rebellion as part of growing up, but parents—often moms—are held to a standard of near-constant emotional and behavioral regulation. That’s exhausting. It can feel like you’ve put yourself in a box marked “role model” and lost the key.

    Maybe what’s needed isn’t a choice between being 100% “perfect” or 100% “unfiltered,” but finding moments where you can reclaim your voice without guilt. It might look like:

    · Giving yourself designated space to vent freely—in the car alone, with a trusted friend, or even in a private note.
    · Allowing your kids to see you as human in age-appropriate ways: “Mom is really frustrated right now, so I need a minute.”
    · Gradually letting your language relax as your kids get older, if that feels authentic to you—showing them that adults, too, have a range of expression.

    Your desire to be authentic all the time is valid. But authenticity isn’t just one note—it’s the whole range. Sometimes you’re the patient guide, sometimes you’re the frustrated human, and both are true.

    You haven’t lost yourself. You’ve added layers. And now, perhaps, it’s time to let those layers breathe a little, to allow the “you” that existed before and alongside motherhood to speak up again—f-bombs and all. It doesn’t make you less of a good mom. It might just make you a more whole one.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      Wow thank you so much for the great comment and for normalizing how I’m feeling!

      Like

      Reply
  2. Tami Lord Avatar
    Tami Lord

    totally relate but I always flow on my own I cussed so I never told my kids they couldn’t but that they couldn’t to a teacher or adult you know read the room, ill never forget my middle child my daughter she was always trying to be perfect and when she cussed for first time it was around 10 yrs old I asked her about her day and she said mom I had a shit day just a shit day…..no one’s perfect and its OK to always be your authentic self its hard to allow ourselves that sometimes….

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      Thanks Tami, I mean I’m farrrr from perfect lol but I guess sometimes, even after 24.5 years, it feels like a huge responsibility being a mom….maybe I need a holiday lol

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Tami Lord Avatar
        Tami Lord

        Well I live in yuma Arizona in fact a really great family rents house next door they are from your neck of the woods…so if your ever able to get this way ill buy us lunch

        Liked by 2 people

      2. CJ Antichow Avatar
        CJ Antichow

        I’ll take you up on that!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. utahan15 Avatar
    utahan15

    eider way cj

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  4. utahan15 Avatar
    utahan15

    we say fuck alot in our house. if you ever saw movie salton sea with late val kilmer and robert downey jr. we re sorry we said fuck so much.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      I’ve not seen it no lol
      We weren’t allowed to say the word “fart” in my house growing up 😩😬

      Like

      Reply
      1. utahan15 Avatar
        utahan15

        my late father said dio mio italian for my god!

        Liked by 2 people

  5. Michael Williams Avatar
    Michael Williams

    wow, that is a beautiful sunrise, but I could also imagine the cold as you two walked.

    i bet its a hard balance to hold yourself to that standard of behavior. i agree that with aging, a large part of us gets clamped down or moderated. even I have to constantly remind myself i cant just lay on the proverbial horn in certain situations.

    then again, you see all the videos of people melting down in public – you have to wonder if we all have to realistically make some provision, some allowance or outlet in order for us to flush out whatever buildup we have from our daily stresses. Mike

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      It’s just damn hard being good Mike lol

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  6. justrojie Avatar
    justrojie

    Sometimes saying 💩 is appropriate 😆

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      Yep and sometimes saying more than shit is appropriate lol

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  7. Dale Parsons Avatar
    Dale Parsons

    Hilarious! I feel the same way sometimes.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      Really appreciated all the comments on this one lol, apparently this is familiar to many 😂
      Thanks for reading and commenting Dale!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  8. Michele Lee Avatar
    Michele Lee

    Gorgeous sunrise! Between being a mom who chose to not cuss when my girl was growing up and a long-term teacher, my filter is fine-tuned however, sometimes it is the best word choice. 😄

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      Thanks Michele! I definitely don’t swear in front of my students either but i feel like, generally speaking, cursing is more acceptable than it used to be, more mainstream.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
      1. Michele Lee Avatar
        Michele Lee

        Definitely more mainstream, including by students who don’t always have a filter. I taught seniors the last several years.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. CJ Antichow Avatar
        CJ Antichow

        Well i teach adults lol and sometimes the f bombs fly from them!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Michele Lee Avatar
        Michele Lee

        Grown-up perk! 😆

        Liked by 2 people

  9. Edward Ortiz Avatar
    Edward Ortiz

    I hear you. I know for me, after being in the military for so long and hearing the f-word about 100 times in regular conversation, I wanted to be different at home so my son doesn’t use that word in his conversations. You can always go into the woods and scream it once in a while. I do sometimes. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      That is a great idea Edward!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Edward Ortiz Avatar
        Edward Ortiz

        Or maybe in another language, so the kids don’t understand. 😉

        Liked by 2 people

  10. Rohitash Avatar
    Rohitash

    Sometimes we stick to who we think we should be and forget who we are underneath. Wanting to let go of the polish, to speak what is real, messy, imperfect isnt a rebellion its a reminder — you are a whole human not just a role. The heart that loves deeply can also be tired and raw and real. Letting those parts breathe does not make you lesser it makes you more authentic. There is grace in honesty and even in the words we are afraid to say out loud.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      Thank you so much, I really appreciate your words! Honestly, it makes me feel so much better, to be understood like this.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Rohitash Avatar
        Rohitash

        I am delighted…😇

        Liked by 2 people

  11. Barbara Avatar
    Barbara

    This is such a refreshingly honest take on motherhood and authenticity, love how you’re questioning the “perfect” script and making space for the real, messy, wonderfully human parts of you! 💬✨

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      Thank you very much Barbara…i’ve really appreciated all the comments normalizing how i feel, i wasn’t sure how this post would be taken or seen by others…i felt initially it might come across as just whiny lol

      Like

      Reply
  12. MaryG Avatar
    MaryG

    Love the colors in that sunrise – especially against the white snow

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      Right? Soooo beautiful and a good reminder that winter brings so much more than deep snow and deep cold lol

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. MaryG Avatar
        MaryG

        Would make a lovely watercolor 🖌️

        Liked by 1 person

      2. CJ Antichow Avatar
        CJ Antichow

        It would!

        Liked by 1 person

  13. EfficientlyELITE Avatar
    EfficientlyELITE

    It’s always tempting to drop the gloves and let whatever comes to mind come out.

    That’s the problem: how to be authentic and true-to-self without bringing down others.

    Does your authentic self want to be rude/hostile, or is there something else on your mind sitting and making everything else more frustrating?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      I think sometimes I get caught up between the “mom” me and the “person” me. They kind of are a mix of two different people in some ways. I really appreciate your comment in any case!

      Like

      Reply
  14. srtk103 Avatar
    srtk103

    Super

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. CJ Antichow Avatar
      CJ Antichow

      Thank you!

      Like

      Reply

Leave a reply to Barbara Cancel reply